Often many of us come across a situation of others underestimating our potentials, capabilities and even our knowledge base without even thinking twice. It could be either due to overestimation of themselves or due to cognitive biases like expected answers to a problem or stereotyping and then confirmation bias. Ultimately, it is a superiority complex. One other reason could be insecurity and lack of accurate information. Normally, we witness physical appearance, which creates first impression and assuming someone else’s background without knowing fully about a person. We do see in the modern world, people categorising others based on group affiliations, bundling, basketing like age, gender, origin and unfair judgements. Under estimating others can be a way to project or mask one’s own insecurities and feel better about oneself.
The new age workplace is also witnessing fear of competition as a real challenge or a threat from people who are with different backgrounds and skills which may be lacking in an individual who may be underestimating and attacking. Individual factors like quietness, and unwilling promote or do self-branding to impress others. We also see many who find it difficult to articulate their value, skills and knowledge despite possessing the same due to communication barrier or their reserved demeanour. We witness the same phenomenon with people who are pessimistic in their outlook.
How do we really face the situation and change the same with a determination to change the perspectives of critics so that they become positive about you. A few simple steps as enumerated below may help to overcome this issue.
- Simple and Plain talk to people who underestimate you by communicating and clarifying certain points which led to their assumption of undermining your capabilities and skills. You may have to clarify several points which could be your appearance misconception, your communication barrier or simply your reserved nature or humbleness not willing to express fully. This may help the other person to understand you better and change the opinion or perspective which led to underestimation. Another, strategy in these situations is addressing that person that “I” understood this way, I mean this, I felt this instead of questioning mode of you imagined, you assumed. This will also result in some empathy towards you by the person and you will witness a sea change in the situation and the other person changing quickly.
- Steadfast and assertiveness will enable you have confidence in adverse situations and you will be in a position to express your views better and there are more chances of others listening to you and understand your view point to positively engage with you for further conversation. In case it is a scheduled meeting you may have to make a bullet point and rehearse what you want to communicate beforehand. Always try your new skills with incremental way starting with small scale and then move on with bigger targets.
- Query Mode is another method by which you can constructively shut the criticism. I am not advocating listen to critics or refute always. Adopt a balanced approach to improve upon. But the people who underestimate you can be fact checked by reviewing certain feedbacks. Also measure your responses whether you failed in a particular task if someone questions your capability to handle a specific job or a task.
- Deep Breathing Technique is another way to take a pause to calm yourself. This technique helps you to reduces heartrate and activates the parasympathetic nervous system which increases oxygen flow the brain which helps to have better focus on the problem with a solution mode. Slow diaphragmatic breathing will further elevate positive mood bringing physiological calmness and relieves anxiety. This technique can be practised anywhere with a comfortable sitting posture and while keeping one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen and inhale and exhale slowly with a rhythm. Every single exhalation in this process will make more resilient over a period of time through regular practice.
- Action is the best response: If you are on a receiving end on a task despite your best efforts to complete the task with sincerity, show through your actions. Any underestimation by an individual can be overlooked for the time being and focus on the task by expressing to the critic that he or she is entitled to a opinion, but I will focus on the outcome which may speak louder and it will also ease the situation on the ground so that you are not bombarded with another set of negative opinion to handle. Complete the task and disseminate the results and outcomes slowly so the critic will completely change positive and it is lesser argumentative in nature to prove your competence and capability.
- Avoid surrendering to Bullies and responding to rude behaviour: All of us are currently witnessing geopolitical bullying in trade to show the might through tariffs. Similarly, we do witness this kind of behaviour in organizations and amongst individuals who look down upon people to get their way. Never succumb to such tactics in life. Similarly, don’t respond to rude behaviours If someone says, I am good for nothing, I will just walk away from them and ignore them instead of arguing and trying to prove them otherwise. They are not worth even for a conversation. Learn the art of avoiding such people for engagements.
- Avoid Imposter syndrome totally: Avoid talking, discussing, focusing on negative self-talk. For this you need to practice self-compassion. Always share your insecurities, feelings with trusted friends and family members for external validation and support. This will immensely boost your energy towards positive things in you including your talent, achievements, capabilities and all possibilities in your career and life which will open new horizons and opportunities you would have never imagined. FOCUS ON FACTS. LOOK FOR ALL YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS, DATA, EVIDENCE THAT YOU ARE LESS TO NONE. CELEBERATE SUCCESSES IRRESPECTIVE OF THE SIZE. Recognize and refute negative thoughts.
- Focus on your goals: It is easy to get disturbed and distracted and sometimes even getting lost with a misery of underestimation by others. Hold to your nerves. Don’t get obsessed on what people say instead use challenging as route which will result in intrinsic motivation that will work wonders. It is not a bad idea to use controlled anger to get motivation to surpass even your capabilities. But keep your goals always reasonable and set concrete goals while working towards peak achievements with timelines for progress. Practice to reward yourself when achieve the milestones and goals. Positive Strokes come from immediate pats and rewards both external and internal remember this logic.
- Protect your plans as secrets till you reach the milestone: Sharing things too openly and speaking too much may jeopardise your plans and achieving goals. It may sometimes, steal your peace away. Sharing your plans and secrets with someone you trusted may become a gossip. When you discuss your dreams too early, people may laugh at you or spread gossips to use your own words against you. Then your motivation vanishes suddenly because of the negativity such gossips created and you losing the sacred energy. Words are powerful but they are painful too when others use the same against you. Sharing your spiritual experience of an individual may sometime become a laughing matter for others and people question your sanity. Similarly, your new ideas and plans if discussed prematurely will be used against you. The pure flame which burned inside you, start flickering and you lose interest. Silence protects the sanctity of your inner connections, energy to chase your goals and achieve with great amount of internal energy. When we disclose our next big plans, suddenly our energy to act drops. True Experience needs no external approval or validation. Allow them to nurture and help you to chase your dreams, passion and goals in both career and life.
- Commitment Mantra, practice every single day: I personally feel focusing on reducing our weaknesses rather than the focussing on your existing capabilities and competencies. Practising this commitment mantra on a daily basis will bring in unexpected positive results in your achievements and realization. Take an example of a showroom salesperson who is weak on customer relations and communication must focus on greeting, and politely talking to a customer, explaining product or service offering and convert a potential into an actual consumer or customer. It is a part of customer engagement and conversion to a real customer. You need to ask a question to yourself are you really incapable of doing a task instead of getting influenced by the views or opinions of others. The commitment Mantra is interconnected with this point to understand the weakness to perform and overcome the issue.
- Don’t be too hard on you: Energy is the currency of life. Do not waste positive flame within you on negative energies created around you or waste this energy through words. Preserve that energy for actions. You need to go easy on yourself many a time to achieve your plans and goals. Means, you need to be compassionate to yourself first before practising on others. Also avoid drawing conclusions or judgemental on many things to become a non-starter of your igniting ideas and plans. Keep the unshakable faith in you burning all the time within you. Don’t get the premature sense of achievement by talking about it with others and revealing your plans. Be kind to yourself till the time you reach a stage ready for disclosure of your next big plans in your career and life.
- Perfectly Imperfect: Bettering yourself everyday should be your goal. The word perfection is a myth. There is nothing called perfection in this world and it is just an interpretation. Balancing between working on improvement of your abilities and accepting the way you are is the crux. Never expect perfection as the end result. Set your own standards. If you are unable to meet your own expectations which results in frustration and anxiety, lower the standard bar and go step by step to move higher with extended timelines. Fight against perfectionism by trying to be practical and realistic both in your career and life. What is the worst that could happen is some delay in achieving your goals nothing beyond it. Therefore, it is not worth creating anxiety and depression internally. Say, you are okay with it and you will take some more time to reach the set goal. But keep a track and keep measuring your progress to catch up. You need to overcome your own fear and limitations over a period of time. Sparkles don’t talk but act. Sparkles don’t declare but demonstrate by keeping their inner energy intact all the time. The world witnesses as a glitter which shines in darkness. That is what I suggest to all those who are reading this article to be a sparkle. Just shine unknowingly without focusing on perfection.
A few steps to lead a stress-free career and Life.
- Decide What You Want in your career and Life.
- Divide the same in five parts of your life. Age bracket 20 to 30, 31-40, 41-50, 51-60 and finally beyond 60 years of age. what is that you want to achieve in each part of the journey.
- Meditate on each one of them stage by stage. Don’t jump the age brackets to measure.
- Make SMART goals.
- Set milestone for each one of them and keep measuring the progress
- Take action by doing it every single day and reset the path if required.
- Track your progress from every bracket and complete the unfinished job without regrets of questioning your capability and work on speeding up unfinished task.
- Unfreeze from the current position and again re freeze
The world expects results not promises. Let your success announce itself when the time is right. Until then let silence be your shield. Do good because it is your nature to love. Deed is more important than the doer. Therefore, focus on your deed from today to achieve greater heights. Create a bond of love and compassion for yourself first before your external demonstration and manifestation. Lead a stress-free life by overcoming hidden fears of failure and loneliness and self -doubt. Don’t allow the world to seed deeper seeds of fear in you. Be confident to face the world with your inner power and energy. No one is perfect in the world, remember this on move on. You will witness great fulfilment in life. Affirmation attracts power. We are all here to affirm positivity with in us and around us.
About the Author: Dr. C.N.Narayana is a renowned management professor, author, writer, social worker who made a meaningful contribution to management education, sports, student community, higher education community, practitioners for more than four decades both in the renowned corporates sector and Academia and research holding leadership positions. He is also a management consultant and Independent Director. He is also a mentor for management institutions of repute. You can reach him through email cnnarayana@gmail.com for any consulting engagement.
